I am The Prince
by TheCobaltSunflower
Summary: Diary of Severus Snape since he was little child.
1. Chapter 1

Dear Diary,  
>My name is Severus Snape.. But I'd prefer just "Severus", because I hate my surname. I got it after my Muggle father. I think my mother has better surname. It is Prince. It sounds much better. That's why I often call myself "Prince".. My mom used to call me her little prince when I was about 5 years old.<br>January the 9th... it was my 11th birthday. As usually, nobody remembered. I feel a bit sad about this but I imagined that clouds were saying to me: "Happy Birthday, Severus". It was enough for me. I don't know what does the word "friend" mean. I often heard it in my elementary. Yes, I know, I am a stupid person, even though my teachers were saying that I am very mature for my age. I just hadn't ever have friends. But I would really like to, I heard it's good to have some, especially in my age. "Such children should socialize, if they don't, they are bad people in the future"- I hear it often and I wouldn't like to be bad person when I grow up. If I had children, I would really love them. I would try to be nothing like my father! He is probably the worst person ever met in my life. Sad, but true. I am really ashamed that I have to write such things about my father, I know that he is my parent, but I have no respect for him. I just try to not annoy him. And I try to not use my magic abilities, even though it's very hard because I sometimes do such things without notice.  
>I know that I am someone special, even though of my situation. The next school year I'll spend in Hogwart. I am really excited about it. I hope I'll go to Slytherin, because I am very ambitious and I am clever.. I hope so. Maybe it's true, because I want to be someone respected in my life. I'm looking forward going to Hogwart, cause I won't be abused just because I use magic. Using magic in Hogwarts is good, it's nothing like my family home. I would like to be a talented wizard. My mum was good at Potions. She told me much about this subject, about Hogwarts.. And I can't wait to see this.<br>My shoulder hurts. I hate my father.. He abuses me and my mom. I love my mother, but.. I think that she is naive. She is an adult witch! She should stop him! I often see her crying, but she always tells that she is all right. I don't understand her.. People often say she is ugly and looks like a bad person, but she is really good. She's the most valuable person I know (I don't know many people actually), because many people in my district steal, burn houses and cars and they are liars. Someday I'll move outside.. And I'll take mum! There are many muggles, we are better than them. We are extraordinary and we can't be "The poor ones". I'll graduate Hogwarts and I'll be very rich, I will buy everything I hadn't ever had and we will be happy. Me and my mum. I don't want him in my life. I hope he will drink alcohol and forget about us.. But.. Me and my mum are wizards. So we can clear his memory! I am not sure it's possible, because I told my mom about this, she seemed to be shocked and then said that it wasn't good idea. But I can't handle this pain anymore! This same about mum, but she pretends everything's great. It really annoys me.


	2. Chapter 2

Last night, I had a dream. I was walking through some strange place, it was like an old castle and some huge snake bit me. I felt week. After I woke up, I had strange feeling. Kiki fell from my bed. Kiki is my toy rabbit. It's grey and it's as old as me. It was sewn many times.. Unfortunately, it lost an eye but I found this black button and now I carry it in my pocket.  
>Besides Kiki, I also have Mr Biscuit. It's my imaginary friend, he likes reading books and drinking milk. I like reading books, too. I read much since I was little child. I've already read "My Sweet Orange Tree" by José Mauro de Vasconcelos. It's about 5-year boy called Zeze. He is very smart for his age, he learned to read actually by himself and he wants to become a poet. I also learned to read when I was little, but not by myself. My dad didn't want to read me stories, so he taught me to read. Problem was solved. Zeze actually has many problems, because he's learning about suffering in very young age. I was very surprised, because Zeze is very similiar to me.. But he was ginger and I have raven black hair, muddy eyes and stange nose. I am an ugly kid, I hate my nose. It looks like my father's. It's disgusting. Everyone says my mum is ugly, even uglier than my dad and I take after her (with the expection of nose), but I feel good with it. I see my father every day and I wouldn't be able to see him even in the mirror. I saw sort of her old photos, when she was in my age or something about and she looked like me, but she wore a dress. My mom told me it was midnight blue.. She wasn't pretty at all, I admit, especially that she was a girl. But for me, my mother is very beautiful. She tries to help me, when dad gets angry at me and she defends me. I feel so sorry about her, because it's really painful for her. I would like to be beautiful in the same way she is. She really cares about me and I am grateful.<br>I may suffer, but I know there are people who have worse situation. I know a girl called Carrie, she is very poor. Her father is dead and her mother drinks a lot. Carrie is blind, but you don't see it at first. She is thin, has curly, blond hair and big blue eyes. This girl is pretty, but she has many scars on her body and she often bleeds. Her mother abuses her, so at some point we are on the same boat, but my mother is very kind woman. Sometimes I read for Carrie. She's the only one that says that I am a good person. Evreyone else compares me to devil. I understand them.


	3. Chapter 3

Today, I was happy for the first time, I think. My dad went somewhere with his long-time friend. I don't like his friend, he is even worse than dad. He's a drunken pig, like him. I hate alcohol. I won't ever be drinking it, this same about my kids and grandkids. Kiki and Mr Biscuit also hate it. I asked my mom if she likes it and she cried. Then I apologized, but she told me to not care.  
>I will be happy for very short time, because he'll be back in few days, but I want to live this moment. I want it to be longer. I want it to seem longer to me. I want it to be never-ending.<br>I feel sorry about my mom. She usually is very sad. Now she doesn't smile, but I suppose that she is happy at this moment. Finally she can have some rest. She's sleeping at the moment. Mom probably was very tired, because she fell asleep on very uncomfortable chair. I covered her with a blanket. I hope she'll feel better.. She may be stupid and naive (yes, I know it's bad to say such things about parents, but it's true) but I love her very much. She's the only that I have and cares about me.  
>My dad hates everything about magic. Mom is able to help her skills, but I am not. When I am angry, sometimes I break something. Some weeks ago I broke a teacup. My dad shouted at me. He doesn't want me to go to magical school. He didn't accept the fact that I got a letter from Hogwarts.<br>When I am happy, many stuff changes its colour, usually flowers. While ago, buttercups changed their colour. They used to be yellow, now they are dark blue. I remember one prank. I was angry at my dad and egg fell from the high wardrobe.. Onto his head. At first, he knew it was me, but I told him it was an accident. Luckily, he believed me. I think he just was tired and he had no power to beat me. I was very anxious when it happened, but now I laugh at it. He deserved it.. He deserved even more, actually. It's a secret, but I want him to be dead. I know I should go to hell, because it's bad to wish such things to anyone, especially to a parent, but he is a bad person. Such people shouldn't be alive, goos people suffer because of them.  
>Now I prove I am a bad child. My dad.. Well, he caused my birth, so I must love him, I hust have respect and be grateful. But I am not. I wish someone else was my father.. Or even fatherless family would be better, I suppose.<br>I had strange dream again. This time I was wearing some black clothes and I had some strange tattoo. It was something like snake.. And a skull. I was thinking for a long time about it, but now I think I shouldn't care, even though I am scared of snakes.  
>Mr Biscuit is also scared of snakes. My mom says that it's childish to have imaginary friends, but what can I do when I don't have any "real" ones? Everyone is scared of my looks, I look like "a walking little death", like my elementary teacher used to say. I think it's in some way true, I am kinda tall for my age, I'm very thin and pale. I often have black eyes and I rarely smile. Everyone is scared, expect of Carrie, but.. She is blind. She has never seen me, but she can not believe when I say that I am ugly. She say that someone like me must be beautiful. She's very kind, world is not fair…<p> 


	4. Chapter 4

Today I had been to playground I used to visit frequently when I was younger. The weather was nice, here was cool wind.. I saw some dog and cat running around the park. I am scared of cats since I was little child. They look at you in very strange way.. And they scratch! Some cat scratched me once on my face. But it was trapped and I wanted to save it! They are not grateful at all.. But I like dogs. They are very friendly, loyal and always grateful. I had one dog for short time, but.. Um, well.. It drowned because my dad threw it into river. It proves that my dad is a bad person. Only a bad person would kill a dog. Dogs are good, they are nothing like humans. My dog's name was.. 'Doggie' actually. He was my best friends, he liked to jump and eat apples. I think it's enough with writing about Doggie, because I started to cry.. I know I cannot cry. I want to be strong and strong people don't cry.. But I'll always remember you, Doggie. Yesterday it was his 3rd death anniversary, so I threw flowers and his favourite ball into river. When I grow up, I'll get myself a new dog and it will be my best friend. I'll play and spend time with it.  
>So I am sitting on the playground. There are two girls. One of them has blonde hair and blue eyes. She is slim and has long neck. The second one is short and slim. This girl has cute green eyes and long, ginger hair. Her skin is pale and freckled. I suppose that these girls are Evans sisters.. I know one of them is Petunia, but I am not sure which one. And I know that this ginger one is in my age and blonde is two years older. It seems to be boring, but this ginger girl is surprising. She does such things, like magical kids do. Is she a mudblood? In fact, I don't like mudbloods, but I think it would be nice to have some friend in Hogwarts. Oh, no.. She is mudblood, so.. She won't be in Slytherin! But she can still go to Ravenclaw, and this wouldn't be that bad.. Hufflepuff also not the worst, they are stupid, but friendly. I hope she won't be in Gryffindor, this would be the worst. No chances for our friendship. But she won't go to Hogwarts till she won't find out about the world of magic.. I think I should tell her everything, but how..? Well, okay I think it's not the best idea.. Or.. Severus, you can do it!<br>I came closer.. The blonde girl stares at me…

- What do you want? – Blonde girl isn't the nicest, I admit..  
>- Err.. Hi, I am Severus..<br>- Oh, hi. I am Lily- Ginger girl smiled.  
>- Lily, let's go home. We better don't talk to him. He is Tobias Snape's son. Such kids aren't the best environment..<br>-Oh, Petunia. Come on, he seems to be nothing like his father. How are you, Sev?  
>- Um, alright.. I just wanted to talk to you..<br>- To me? It's great.  
>- Well, it's important.<br>- Yes, I like being responsible  
>- So.. You may not believe me.. But you are a witch.<br>- Severus, it's not friendly..  
>-No, no, no! I didn't want to offend you! You are a witch and I am a wizard.<br>Blonde girl was angry.. She pulled her sister.  
>- Lily, that's enough! This boy is crazy.<br>- But.. Petunia!  
>They went home.<p>

I came there every day and once, I met Lily again. I told her everything about her abilities, about Hogwarts, Quidditch, gobstones (my mom used to play it when she was younger and she was really good at it). I have a new friend!


	5. Chapter 5

Dear diary,  
>It was a busy day. I cleaned the whole room, because my dad is going to come back home. Mum is anxious, but I understand her well. She told me to not worry and she pretends that everything's okay, when I ask her about anything.. I feel so sorry about her. One day, I'll buy a new house and I'll take her.. And Kiki.. And Mr Biscuit.. And Lily will be our friend. And she'll be visiting us often. We'll leave these bad people. I know it's bad to say such things about father, but he really is evil.<br>I hear some sentence so often.. It's "Kids get more and more similiar to their parents". But I don't want to be like Tobias! Another influence for a very young person, is his environment. Well.. My environment isn't good. Here, people steal, burn cars ang buildings just for fun. Of course, not everyone is like this, there are many honest people, but not too many of them. I don't want to be a monster. I cry. But I can't, I must be strong. There are few months left and I'll go to Hogwart's.. But well, I'm still worried. What about mummy? Maybe I'll leave Kiki at home, he will be my mum's guard. They'll save her.  
>And what about Carrie? Well, she's a muggle, so she can't go to Hogwarts.. One day I'll also help her. But currently I can't.. I feel so bad about it, I think about such things all the time. I know, I should be happy.. But I am really worried about these people.<br>At least Lily will be there. I'm afraid she'll go to Gryffindor or Hufflepuff, but that would be alright, because we'll be friends forever.

...  
>I met Lily. She was wearing lime green t-shirt and blue trousers and had funny pigtails.<br>- Hi, Severus!  
>- Hi! Glad I see you. I want to introduce you to someone.<br>- That's great! Is it he or she?  
>- It's a girl.<br>- Awesome! Is she pretty, does she have curly hair and does she like animals?  
>- Yes, she is pretty, has nice hair and she likes dogs. You'll see, so you don't need to ask.<br>We were going few minutes and we met Carrie.  
>- Hi Sev, it that you?<br>- Yes, Carrie.  
>- Is there someone with you?<br>- You don't need to be scared, because it's Lily, my friend.  
>- Hi, Carrie - Lily said.<br>- Oh, hi!

This moment was really touching, but I want to have such moments until I go to Hogwarts. I still need to make my mum happy.. I wish my dad had more friends to visit.


	6. Chapter 6

Such a horrible day..  
>I wish it didn't happen..<p>

My dad is back.. At first he seemed to be really tired.. But it's not the point  
>He found this diary. It would be nothing special about it, but I wrote such horrible things about him.. I was writing all the time how bad person was he and I wished him to die. He got really angry. I don't remember if he ever was THAT angry like today. He tried to beat me, but suddenly a bookshelf fell and covered him.. I caused it. But he still was full of power.. He stood up and tried to hit me, but my mom held his hand<br>- Don't beat this child up. It's not his fault. You should've treaten him better, you are responsible about this. - Mum defended me.  
>- But I am his father! He should respect me! By the way, he also wrote that you are stupid and naive. Eileen, you treat him too well!<br>- I know, but he was right. I am an idiot and a coward. I wish I was better mother.. And I wish you were better father.  
>- You..<br>He didn't beat me up, but he punished mother. I feel so bad about it, I wrote many bad things about her and father punished me instead of her. I cried for so long.. But at least mum proved she can be brave.  
>My dad went sleeping. Mummy couldn't.<br>- Mummy, are you angry at me? I wrote such bad things about you and you got beaten up instead of me. I'm so sorry.  
>- Don't worry, Sev. You were right.. I was a coward. You may hate me. I should've ran away and take you with myself.. But I don't know, where. I am not angry at my Prince.<br>- Mum.. Someday I'll become rich and I'll buy a new house and I'll take you away from this place  
>- Ah, Severus.. - she hugged me - I am so glad I have such son. Other kids may be more popular, but you are my little prince. And you'll always be.<br>- I was so proud of you today. You were really brave. But I am worried, what will happen when I go to Hogwarts. We will be far away from each others and I'll be at home only for Christmas and holidays.  
>- Don't worry. I have something for you. Hold on.<br>My mom went somewhere. I was wondering, what would the gift be.. Maybe Kiki with fixed eye.. Or some hand-made sweater.. Or a photo..  
>- Look, Severus.<br>My mom was holding an old cage. There was an owl! It was white and so beautiful..  
>- Her name is Luna.<br>- Mummy.. She is so.. Beautiful. Thank you. - I ran and hugged her  
>- Now we'll stay in touch<br>- I love you so much  
>- I love you too, my boy.<p>

This day was scary not only for me.. Lily, well..  
>- Severus..<br>- Yes?  
>She was crying<br>- Petunia says I am crazy.. Just because I can make flowers grow.  
>- Don't worry, Lily. She is envious, because you're extraordinary and unusual.<br>- But she is my sister..  
>- Lily, you can't change nature. It's not your fault. Petunia should accept it. Don't cry, please<br>- You think so?  
>- Yes..<br>- But.. At least my parents are proud.

I'm glad this horrible day is ending..


End file.
